I wish I could punch you in the face.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Boobs are out for the taking
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
