so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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