Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
