How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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