He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
