okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
