Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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