I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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