Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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