It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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