Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
