I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
