So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
