Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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