Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I need to calm my uterus...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
