It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Randomize
