we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
