What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
