I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
