I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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