new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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