I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
