I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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