i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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