you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
