dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
