My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My pussy is not your playground.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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