remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
