i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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