cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We just shotgunned beers for America
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
