Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
