i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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