This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
