I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
