Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
