take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
