Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
