I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
