Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
no, he came in my armpit
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
