but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
