Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
