Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
