it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
