Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
