The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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