I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize