i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
