this beer tastes like vomit already
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
