Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
