this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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