Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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