I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
