the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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