We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
