I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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