I just cut my nipple shaving
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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