your parents love me but you hate me
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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