I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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