I swear she didn't look like that last week.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
