Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
