My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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