why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
