so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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