dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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