I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
