Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
A bitchslap is in order.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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