if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
