I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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