Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize