how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
