Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
