gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
