i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
