Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
