Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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