You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
