I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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