tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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