Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
